Remember you have to imagine the title of this post in a terrifying Frank whisper.
Vulvic software, producers of the quiveringly good Half Life series have quietly spunked forth a low-price game called Portal. I am here to wax lovingly into your ear how exquisitely lustrous this gemalicious prism of a game really is.
Think of The Running Man. Think Cube. Think dark thoughts of being trapped in the belly of a horrible machine. That’s the atmosphere – with a pit-black streak of humour, like clowns whispering into your ears in the dark.
My initial impressions – that Portal was a mere puzzle game, or a technical demo with stilettos on – were dead wrong. It’s a genuinely new take on the FPS genre – minus the S. You learn innovative in-game skills. It’s immersive and dreamlike. The narrative is such that you feel motivated to defeat the system that holds you captive.
The difficulty curve is perfectly crafted – the in-game director’s commentary illuminates how much playtesting went on. Finally, the ending is both satisfying and unlike any ending you’ve seen before. All in all it’s just an outstanding game.
If you haven’t got access to a decent PC you can play a flash ‘tribute’ version in the mean time, polished to a tasty sheen.
Moving onto a different topic, near the end of Portal there’s a widget you pick up which is the embodiment of anger, the Anger Sphere. It gabbles and shrieks incoherently. In a stroke of genius they cast one of my heroes Mike Patton for the relevant vocals. Like an out-take from his near-inconsumable album Adult Themes for Voice.
And – fellow Pattonites – the boy must currently be the monkey’s bananas as the game that introduced the joy of swinging about, Bionic Commando is being remade with MP voicing the commando himself.
While we’re talking games, old school shmuppers and fans of huge boss fights are going to appreciate the freeware games Warning Forever, Fraxy, and Battleships Forever (in that order).
In other geek news I finally have GarageBand 08 sorted out on my rejuvenated, Leopard-flavoured Mac (thanks Rob!) so the possibilities for horrendously time-expensive but zany posts have been opened up.
30-Nov-07 at 2:56 pm | Permalink
Naturally I expect at least 50% cut of any material (probably unfair to call it music, right?) you manufacture … not to mention a further ridiculous slice of profits gained when you regroup and retour in 2017….
06-Dec-07 at 4:17 am | Permalink
It had been two years since the shift, Donnie.
Get your number to me dude!
06-Dec-07 at 7:02 pm | Permalink
Hey Ry – have been calling you every few days but your phone is always dead. Have sent an email – hope you are good, talk to you soon.
07-Dec-07 at 1:30 pm | Permalink
I forgot that ‘Warning Forever’ existed. I gave about a week of my life to that game, once.
Maybe I will again.
08-Dec-07 at 6:17 pm | Permalink
> Patton
OMG. The boy Patton voices all the nasty vampire types in the probably-appalling high-budget ruination of I Am Legend. OMG