I’m back in the arena of the well at last. Last week was mostly a write-off, as the cold that I felt coming on Monday had been joined by a dizzy headache on Tuesday, and then by proper, full-on influenza by Wednesday. It felt quite like I had been stabbed in the throat and temples with a snotty dagger. The broken thermostat for regulating body temperature was quite fun too, sweats and aches and fevers. As my first experience of the affliction it was all quite entertaining. Clearly the flu vaccination I had at work was a syringe of watery lucozade.
It’s not just me that’s feeling better though. After extensive, exhaustive, penetrative testing (involving hardcore pornography and hired sex workers of multiple genders and pseudo-genders), Ted Haggard as been diagnosed as “completely heterosexual“.
Everyone got exciting plans for Saint Valentine’s Enforced Romance?
12-Feb-07 at 3:08 pm | Permalink
>Everyone got exciting plans for Saint Valentine’s Enforced Romance?
If I was I’d either be dating a teenage boy or an executive slimeball, so thankfully not : )
13-Feb-07 at 12:40 pm | Permalink
Which begs the question what are you dating?
No one with any self-respect should celebrate Valentine’s day, it is an abomination. I shall never forget when an ex appeared with a card and a rose on my doorstep. I was so mortified at my lack of male judgement I wasn’t even capable of saying thanks. It led to a very complicated, long-winded diplomatic drama. In such cases, it is always good to resort to excuses such as “I’m French, and I don’t know any better”.
14-Feb-07 at 2:26 pm | Permalink
Goodness girls. Be nice, he’s only asking!
Me? Crying, crying, masturbating, crying..
Then heading out for dinner/drinks with the above merry duo and possibly finding myself upon the doorstep of a lovely girl named Lesley for a weeny small anti-valentines kiss.
14-Feb-07 at 2:30 pm | Permalink
Et toi?
14-Feb-07 at 3:08 pm | Permalink
> I shall never forget when an ex appeared with a card and a rose on my doorstep.
I hasten to add this was not me.
I did send roses one time when I was young, naive and a bit of a clueless romantic. My ex at the time ended up breaking up with me a few days before Valentines Day but I still allowed the roses to be delievered, just so she’d feel bad. Which she did. Which made me feel good, as the bitch had cheated on me.
I am currently enjoying watching my workmates squirm as they look forward to their Valentines Day evenings. Our office has so far managed to avoid embarrassing deliveries of large bouquets / teddy bears, etc.
It is healthy heart awareness day here in Livingston and some unfortunate souls are trying to feed the call centre monkeys fruit and green stuff as opposed to pie chups an beans, lol.
14-Feb-07 at 4:25 pm | Permalink
I am going to celebrate Valentine’s Day by reaching 110 hours of gameplay in the PS2 game I’m currently throwing my life away on.
I remember at art college I had one of those stupid pacts with a buddy that we’d get each other Valentine’s cards so that we didn’t both spend the entire day in crushing sadness. I got her a card and wrote a great message, but, obviously, she forgot to get me anything. Didn’t matter to her, did it, as she’d got a real card from a real admirer anyways. BOO. WHATEVER. I’ll get a Valentine’s Card one day. I’m bound to. Law of averages.
Ah well. More importantly, I’m going to celebrate healthy heart awareness day by eating three fried eggs, eight bits of bacon and lots of toast.
14-Feb-07 at 4:47 pm | Permalink
We have had no Valentine action at work whatsoever (except via text, of course). Even our patients have been pretty sparse on interesting tales this year. Today always makes me think in poems, and I remember one particular line of a rhyme I received years ago…
“If into my arms you’ll settle, I’ll let you fill my mouth with metal”
Oh how I laughed!
14-Feb-07 at 5:19 pm | Permalink
> I’ll let you fill my mouth with metal
Is this specifically related to dentistry, or is there some new and terrifying niche sexual activity I’ve been missing out on?
14-Feb-07 at 5:21 pm | Permalink
I’m guessing dentistry, but you never know with the delinquents I seem to attract!
14-Feb-07 at 5:26 pm | Permalink
…or maybe you were introducing your synesthetic boyfriend to the music of Iron Maiden?
In other news I went for lunch today and was agog to discover the canteen had been decked out with a Valentine’s Theme. This consisted of:
• pink ribbons and heart-shaped balloons everywhere
• an aphrodiastic main course of “beef and oyster pie”, which filled me with terror
• a free raffle entry if you buy all three courses!
• cheesy 80s muzak piped over the gleaming steel troughs
Nothing like feeling slightly uncomfortable as you tuck into your chicken & asparagus with your male colleagues in a world of pink.
14-Feb-07 at 5:37 pm | Permalink
“If into my arms you’ll settle, I’ll let you fill my mouth with metal”
I reckon that’s pretty good, if you are a dentist that is. It’s about as good as my poetry.
I hasten to add this was not me.
LOL. I was picturing you to be honest.
14-Feb-07 at 6:05 pm | Permalink
More romantic dentist poetry then please.
14-Feb-07 at 6:12 pm | Permalink
“If with your patient you are willing / I’ll give you my own special filling”
15-Feb-07 at 1:36 pm | Permalink
Never did discover the author of those lines..
I wouldn’t classify that as romantic poetry, would you Aaron? Really?
15-Feb-07 at 2:52 pm | Permalink
>I hasten to add this was not me.
No, it wasn’t, there is even proof.
Unfortunately my lack of taste in men stretches beyond cards and roses
16-Feb-07 at 2:10 pm | Permalink
> wouldn’t classify that as romantic
Objection!
16-Feb-07 at 3:39 pm | Permalink
Didn’t have you down as a New Romantic. Now that would be comedy Gold (…always believe in your soul)!
20-Feb-07 at 8:53 pm | Permalink
Meh heh heh. Ahem.