taking fire

News in depth from the Bell camp.

tempus fugit

One of the things that nags constantly at my materially-oriented, newly-middle-class young professional napper is the perceived lack of time I have to do the things that I want.

Generally this irritation kicks in when I stumble in the door at 7pm of an evening, too tired or demotivated to do anything of consequence. The ticking awareness of what can be squeezed into 3 hours before it’s time to sleep for the day’s work tomorrow. Phone conversations; films; books; even computer games; Not Getting Done. Tick tock tick tock. Then the weekend arrives and I throw myself bodily into twin all-night supernovae, to emerge the other side with nothing further accomplished.

I realise that the situation is surely a failing of mine. A lack of time management – or institutionalised laziness – rather than any real difficulty presented by my situation.
Or actually more than that: I am certain this behaviour is an affliction, of mine, in particular. Witness my inability or unwillingness to spend time telephoning people when I probably should.

I am a Free Time Obsessive.

But regardless of self-awareness, the subcategories on the To Do List still fill up and become ever more unwieldy, and the general dissatisfaction mounts.

annus horriblis

So given this attitude, when your day job becomes less than fun you have a recipe for seriously dissed gruntle.

This has now happened.

A combination of difficult, thankless work and increasingly negative politics drove me to actually hate my current role. The prospect of 5 more months of pressure-cooker grind was actually having an effect on my general demeanour. Time for action.

ad lucem

Just a couple of weeks ago the solution became apparent. The main reason I started contracting in the first place was to have control over my life. Not just avoiding performance appraisals; but to be able to control how, when and for how much I worked. The discovery of meaningful influence and control over my life was what really kicked my 20s into gear in the first place.

So three days ago I handed in my notice. I won’t be looking for another contract until either it becomes necessary, or I find something interesting.

tempus combat

So 2005 will begin as the year of Free Time. No longer do I have to tolerate some drably goggle-eyed ponytail insinuating that my work isn’t carried out with thoroughness.
The interesting test will be how it actually works out: according to the ideal, or potentially as disillusionment.

For now, the plans include: all the usual creative stuff (music, prose, coding techy stuff and game stuff). Decorating and furnishing my flat. Travelling. Spending time with friends and family. Hopefully not idleness anyway.

Starting on 22nd December, I’m taking the power back.