Here follow the choice phrases that kept us giggling like drunken schoolboys throughout our holiday. Important: repeat until funny.
“AOOOOOOWW, hot-tub!” [James Brown yowl]
- Bill Hicks, describing Freud’s mom. Used to acknowledge attractive females.
- extended version: “…Momma!! I’da done her over the dryer, aooowwww!”
“Zat iss NOT EFFICIENT!” [apoplectic gestapo fury]
- the German way of life. Substandard methods are NOT ACCEPTABLE.
“Hey, w-what kinda hold is THIS, Hulk?!” [disbelief and panic]
- Bill Hicks. Hulk Hogan as autograph-signing kiddy fiddler.
- extended version:
1. “Come’ere and sit on Hulk’s lap young man…” [authoritative]
2. “…Hey, w-what kinda hold is THIS, Hulk?!” [disbelief and panic]
3. “It’s called Hulk’s Special Love-Hold, young’un!!”
“Five hundered!” [demand in stern east european accent]
- Prague cops. A fine to be demanded whenever a made-up law is transgressed.
“I apollogisse unresservedly” [outrageously seedy Arnie accent]
- Arnie apologising for indecent behaviour.
“You just try and stick your tool in as many of them as possible”
- Stu appraises his strategy for teenaged females in Berlin.
“Cha’mone motherfucka”
- classic Bo’Selecta. Takes on a new novelty when used on baffled Europeans.
“Sllllllut!!” [rising to high falsetto tone]
- risky, appreciative exclamation on spying attractive female. Developed with the boys at IBM.
“Did zew drrink anything from ZE MINIBAR?!” [apoplectic gestapo fury]
- interrogation when checking out of hotels.
“Ve vant ze money LEBOWSKI…” [outrageously seedy nihilist accent]
- classic Big Lebowski quote.
- extended version: “or… ve cut off your Johnson!”
“On moi signal… unleash Hell” [Russell Crowe accent]
- from Gladiator, with Aussie twang.
- especially useful when about to unleash noxious alcohol-induced gas.
“Firsht the pushy… then – if you’re lucky – the arsh” [Sean Connery]
- legendary quote from the Stish.
- improvise with any two items.
Enjoy : )
22-Oct-03 at 5:48 pm | Permalink
And not forgetting
“Ohhh, ich spritzen!” [strained euro porn star voice]
- the only German phrase known by Stu when we arrived.
- translates literally as “Ohhh, I squirt!”.
22-Oct-03 at 6:38 pm | Permalink
Guys, I am going to Germany on Monday. Please post your recommendations as I have no idea what I am going to do there.
07-Aug-07 at 11:25 pm | Permalink
*bump*
13-Aug-07 at 7:27 am | Permalink
I’m going too! Oh shit just realised you wrote this 4 years ago.
For our weekend in Berlin, CJ you can be in charge of the cultural stuff, I will be in charge of where we eat. Saturday night, we are going for a pizza at Il Casolare and Sunday we are going for brunch in Friedrichshain on the Simon Dach Strasse.
Stuart will tell you we did the exact same thing two years ago, but old habits die hard.
13-Aug-07 at 1:06 pm | Permalink
ich spritzen
I’ve always felt there was something bizarre with this expression apart from the dodgy conjugation, so I’ve done my research:
a) spritzen means squirt and yes it can have the meaning the two of you think it has, but more commonly it also means injecting heroin – possibly why you were told not to say it with big cheeky grins plastered on your faces.
b)verbs conjugated in the first person singular end in -e, not in -en, so if you must go on saying it at least get it right and say “ich spritze”.
13-Aug-07 at 4:19 pm | Permalink
Aber wir spritzen, ya?
Pizza doesn’t sound very German! I’ll probably be sick of Wurst by then anyway, if this is possible.
Ha ha, I’ve spotted a German comedian at the Fringe. What do you think this will be?
13-Aug-07 at 4:34 pm | Permalink
I think we will get on better than those two anyway.
14-Aug-07 at 7:50 am | Permalink
Ja, wir spritzen und sie /Sie spritzen.
No, but it’s the best pizza ever. The brunch will have plenty of German Wurst, Kartoffelsalat, and we can get a Kiba = Kirschbananensaft (cherry and banana juice).
>I’ve spotted a German comedian
Is is two guys? Seen them before, not bad, except they’re from Sheffield.
14-Aug-07 at 12:55 pm | Permalink
Saw them last night, they were awful.
14-Aug-07 at 3:19 pm | Permalink
> No, but it’s the best pizza ever.
It was good but I’m not sure it was as good as La Favorita on Leith Walk. Hilarious, Leith vs Berlin.
> Saw them last night, they were awful.
Did you really expect anything else? Nice, succinct reply though.